


Engines Can Be Rose

by bunnystealsyourcarrots



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Art School, F/M, Finn and Poe might fluff at each other too, Fun with the TA, Light Smut, Reylo - Freeform, smut and the shy girl, touch me teach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-12-24 21:19:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12021201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnystealsyourcarrots/pseuds/bunnystealsyourcarrots
Summary: A story about a girl in art school with an eye for color and her TA.





	1. Chapter 1

She loves him. 

 

Each mole dotting his cheek, each perfectly placed mark dusting his strong features that shouldn’t fit so well together on his face but somehow do. 

 

She loves him. 

 

Each inch of that massively tall masculine man who’s always running five minutes behind to everything, but who gets away with tardiness by smiling sheepishly until you’re happy that at least he’s finally there. 

 

Looking up stealthily from her desk, Rey watched him lecture. Following his black cable-knit sweater rising higher up to the top of his skinny jeans when he pointed, and there’s nothing indecent about the motion other than she kept waiting for a peek of abs. Hoping for another tempting flash like last week, and after biting down on her lip to keep back a breathy whimper, she’s certain that nobody but him could wind her up so. Him, the guy who takes his five-dollar coffee with almond milk. Him, the artist who she can tell leans into one hand when he draws because there’s always a trace of charcoal smudged along his jaw. Him, the owner of lips so impossibly pink that they’re obscene when calling out her name. 

 

_Shit._

 

“Rey?” he repeated.

 

“Hmm?” she blinked, the real world coming into focus sadly two seconds too slow. ”I mean, yes?”

 

“Yes?” her TA repeated, his mouth rounding in confusion.”Yes, you agree that stolen Jewish art should remain with buyers if they paid enough?”

 

“Oh!” Rey flushed. ”Oh God, n-no.”

 

He stifled a smile. “So no then?”

 

“Definitely, no.”

 

Having confirmed that poor love-struck Rey wasn’t actually a sociopath, the teacher's assistant continued his slideshow. Strolling across the front of the class, ending her embarrassed torture with a turn of his broad back. Oh so effortlessly launching right back into his spiel about moral quandaries in the art world as though the college senior who continued to gawk at him in horror hadn’t made an absolute fool out of herself. Again.

 

_Way to go, Rey. How does he resist your charms and sparkling wit?_

 

Thankfully, there were only a few minutes left in class before the clock hit the hour and Rey shoved her notebook into her backpack. Her hands flying through the motions in a desperate hurry to leave before her ridiculously handsome TA caught her blushing again. Nearly in the clear before her rotten luck struck again and for the second time in one morning, he called her name. Beckoning her over with an added wave of his hand as the rest of the class passed her by while smirking. _  
_

 

_Crap._

 

Once it was only the two of them remaining in the room, Rey had never longed more for a crowd. The generally solitary girl felt almost hungry for somebody else to distract his intense hazel gaze away from her bottom lip that she now nervously chewed on. Yes, anybody else at all would have been just dandy as can be then since Rey qualified as awkward on a good day, but grew beyond anxious the longer he took to kick off their conversation. Everything in her body language surely reading as hesitant while he stood in front of her as a celebration of extremes. Dark hair versus milky skin, thick muscles warring against erudite wardrobe.  

 

Casually leaning there against the desk, he unknowingly toyed with Rey's sanity as she prayed to keep from mucking this up again. Giving herself the usual pep talk about interacting with him like a normal human being, and reminding herself that a normal human definitely would not count his eyelashes to keep her gaze off his mouth- purposefully ignoring those alluring pillowy pink lips that she’d dreamed about on her, near her, all over her. Those lips that attractively pursed when he said her name again and three times in one morning had to be some sort of record. 

 

Rey stared up at him with an adorably dim half smile.

 

“Are you unwell, Ms. Kenobi?”

 

“Uh, no.” She shook her head with an embarrassed snort.”No, just sleepy I guess. Sorry for earlier- I mean, I’m sorry for zoning out, Mr. Solo.”

 

“It’s fine, and please stick with just calling me Kylo.”

 

“S-sure, Kylo.”

 

Perhaps taking pity on the girl shyly tucking a hair behind her ear, Kylo sat down on the edge of the desk. Intending to come off less intimidating when they were at eye level, but still, Rey longed for the second that she could dash out the door. Already eager to get away though nothing ever compared to the rush of having the grad student near. 

 

“I wanted to see how your final project is shaping up."

 

“Good.” 

 

“So you’ve come up with a theme then?”

 

“Absolutely.” 

 

Catching the brief panicked look flickering in Rey’s eyes, Kylo mischievously asked, “What is it then?” 

 

_Nothing.  I have nothing because all I do is spend my free time thinking about you. You and your black hair, pale skin, and pink luscious-_

 

“Rey?”

 

“Pink,” she blurted out.

 

Leaning back on the desk, Kylo inspected Rey for a long beat. Eyebrows raised so high with his confusion that if the floor would have opened up to swallow her whole, the student would have gladly appreciated it. In fact, she would have damn well kissed the linoleum gods for the favor.  

 

“You’re doing a project all about pink?” he questioned, each word coming out syrupy slow as his thick eyebrows furrowed together. “That’s your idea?”

 

“Is that so crazy?”

 

“Well, considering that you’re a mixed media sculptor who's been working solely with recycled metal for the past year…yeah, it is a bit startling.” 

 

"You pay that much attention to our work?” 

 

“I pay attention to exceptional work.” 

 

Rey’s lips parted in shock. “Oh.” 

 

A beat passed in silence before Kylo cleared his throat. Both of them appearing a little shaken out of their skin after his admission, and Rey had almost recovered until she noticed the markings on his exposed wrist. All the feathered lines there adding up to an intricate tattoo that she never knew he had but then promptly couldn’t stop obsessing over. 

 

_Oh, fuck me now._

 

“So pink?”

 

“Yep,” Rey answered with a long sigh, thinking the concept up on the spot as her cheeks flooded with that exact same color. ”My project is on things that are pink…pink things.”

 

“Interesting.” Kylo’s expression lit up, staring at her as if he’d never seen anything more unexpectedly adorable, and only when a laugh echoed from the hallway did he slide off the edge of his desk. Running his fingers through his shaggy hair as if that might clear his head, smiling weakly whenever his hand dropped. Nothing left to say, but standing there still. His mouth parted in expectation of expressing something Rey would likely repeat in her head for hours later, but just as quickly as it came on the curious twinkle in his eyes dimmed. Authoritative mask officially back in place as he told her, “Well then, I should probably head out to the labs, but I look forward to viewing your progress coming along. It sounds like a unique passion project, and I can’t wait to see what you think up.”

 

“Yeah.” Rey followed him out of the classroom, shoulders sagging as she envisioned a whole semester working with the girliest color possible for inspiration. “Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> So this originally started out as 1 stand alone drabble on Tumblr, and then it became 5 with a 6th on the way... So, I decided to compile them all here all nice and neat, and I truly hope you enjoy reading them


	2. Chapter 2

Hours later she regretted coffee.

 

Hunched over while clutching a sheet of hammered metal, Rey’s hands shook. Jittery as hell as absolutely nothing came together like she’d imagined. Apparently, a grand total of zero streams of inspiration flowed through her stuffy apartment that night, and she’d had it. In a fit of aggravation, Rey yanked her face mask down. Exhaling out her troubles on a long sigh while glaring at the hours worth of ugly spray painted items.

 

“Who makes hubcaps into lips?” Rey groaned, tossing aside the curved painted piece that resembled a flamingo’s back. “This is useless.”

 

Too many days in a row she’d worked on a project that left her equally frustrated every night. Nothing luring back the muse in charge of her creative juices, and an officially over it Rey snatched up her keys. Deciding that a change in venue was much needed, she was shaking things up, and thanks to the handle of whiskey in her book bag, she figured that at least this time she’d finish the evening happy.

___________

 

All alone in the art lab, Rey worked into the night.

 

Welding sparks into metal into rebirth. Sensing the good in formerly discarded objects before anybody else could imagine it and treating the broken pieces so tenderly. Scavenging right past the ugly until beautiful, curvy chaos began emerging above sharp edges that could almost stand in for his jawline. The piece already little by little becoming nearly as pretty as _him_.

 

_So close._

 

After powering everything down, Rey pushed her goggles up. A line of grease smeared along her cheek in the process, but thanks to riding high on euphoria she was too giddy to notice. Carefully picking up her project, she relocated to a second lab room without fumes. More than a bit relieved to see some promising progress in her work after all her trouble, but still concerned about the lacking sign of pink.

 

“You are a lovely disappointing thing,” she sighed.

 

“Haven’t you heard of catching more flies with honey?” a husky voice chimed in from behind her.

 

Startled out of her wits, Rey's body pitched forward with a gasp. Legs sliding around with all the grace of an octopus on roller skates while juggling her project against her chest. Seemingly doomed to squish art against the table until her horrified TA bolted over to help, one arm valiantly looping around her waist to keep her steady. Holding Rey close enough for her to feel each exhale curving against her back.  

 

“I’m so sorry,” his low voice rumbled beside her ear. “Are you alright?”

 

Choking back a mortified sob, Rey weakly answered, “Fine.”

 

Even after her project ended up safely set down on the table in front of her, Rey’s heart continued to race. Each beat pistoning a frantic morse code against her ribs. Feeling lightheaded to light on her feet, and yet none of the anxiety taking over was due to the original shock. Instead, her emotions were entirely spinning out of control all thanks to Kylo’s hands remaining on her hips. Those long fingers of his splayed out in light squeezing comfort.

 

A gentle press that caught Rey's breath in her throat, and when Kylo instantly stepped back, she knew that he must have heard it.  

 

_Great._

 

Righting himself, Kylo pushed one sweater sleeve back up to his elbow, wincing.“Again, so sorry to have scared you.”

 

Turning back to the table, Rey nonchalantly shrugged before gathering up scattered sketch pad pages from off of her workstation. Quite casually cleaning up everything but only moving in order to avoid his gaze. Not ready to face those moody burnt sienna eyes of his all flecked with gold if they were full of pity for her, and so she capped spray paint bottles that weren’t even hers. Picking up whatever she could until nothing remained except for facing the music under fluorescent lights.

 

“Please stop apologizing,” Rey said, glancing over her shoulder with a face gone crimson. “I-I’m the one jumping around like there’s a serial killer on the loose and I’m the loose best friend.”

 

Kylo’s eyes widened. “What?”

 

“Like the horror movie cliche,” Rey shakily explained, turning fully around as her cheeks threatened hundreds of years of biological research by discovering new shades of red. “The harlots always die first.”

 

“And so you’d be the harlot?”

 

“Yes!” Rey nodded before hearing herself and then shaking her head in the negative.”No! No, it was strictly a metaphor, or maybe an analogy- I still get those mixed up. Four years of college and I should know better shouldn’t I?” Rey nervously laughed, hearing herself rambling, but unable stop it for the life of her. “Though I guess I have a few months before graduating to learn it…So yeah, not a ho, but not anything wrong if I was one either. ‘Cause…feminism.”

 

_Oh, God._

 

You could have heard a pin drop after her speech, but to his credit Kylo didn’t gawk.

 

Sliding his hand into his back pocket, he instead retrieved a chrome flask. Not bothering with an explanation, he unscrewed the top off, and Rey didn’t hesitate before taking a swig after he'd handed it over. Nope, she swallowed down her humiliation with the exact same brand of whiskey that she’d brought along with her as Kylo looked on in amusement. Eyes warm and friendly until darkening a fraction when Rey’s tongue swiped along her lip.

 

Clearing her throat, she handed the flask back. “Do you get all your student’s wasted?” 

 

“Nah, just the feminist ho,” Kylo teased, his eyes twinkling more than any two eyes had any right to as he took a sip.

 

"And why are you here so late?” Rey piped up with a smile. “What were you doing?”

 

“Mostly just drawing abysmally.”

 

Rey laughed. “Me too.”

 

“Well, at least you’ve got the pink project coming along.” Kylo gestured to her sculpture, gazing thoughtfully with an endearing scholarly head tilt. “All the parts look _interesting_ , so far.”

 

“It’s all kind of messy still,” Rey admitted, nose crinkling up the more doubt settled in. “Though that’s probably not surprising since you must think I’m a bit of a mess too.”

 

“Technically, I’m the one offering drinks to students.” Kylo pointed out with a shrug.”So you won’t find much judging on my end.”

 

“Yeah,  _such_  a bad influence you are.” Rey grinned, and it wasn’t until Kylo grinned back that she realized they were flirting dangerously close to flirting.

 

“So I’ve been told.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big sincere thank you for all the kind feedback after the first chapter. 
> 
> Ya'll make a bun so darn happy, and I hope the little after school flirty banter fun times were enjoyable...or as enjoyable as they could be since Kylo kept his shirt on (bad bad professional-ish Kylo)
> 
> -Bunny


	3. Chapter 3

Not surprisingly, it turned out that Rey's interest in art theory substantially dimmed whenever her TA didn't lead their discussion sessions. However, her notes greatly improved. Propping up her chin in her hand, the student intently studied the sculpture comparisons projected on the wall as the clock ticked down to the end of the hour.

 

Seeking to find the fake among the real, but Rey couldn't accept that it mattered in the end.

 

The way she saw it, both art pieces were years beyond her technique. The artists' ability to manipulate marble into motion sent Rey's lip twitching up in awe, and she couldn't summon the urge to judge one as a fraud. Not when she considered how much richer the world was to see the pair, and especially not when a small knock on the door snatched up her attention.

 

"Dr. Phasma?"

 

"Yes," Rey's professor answered, flashing a rare smile after turning around. "And here I thought we wouldn't be graced with your presence today Mr. Solo."

 

"Not entirely present," Kylo corrected with a frazzled smirk, shifting his messenger bag higher up his shoulder."Just dropping off Monday's quizzes before I rush back to finish up the last-minute framing at the gallery."

 

"I look forward to seeing your work tonight," Dr. Phasma added.

 

Rolling her lips in, Rey nodded, but her face heated after realizing that nobody else was nodding along with her.

 

_Sure, bob your head like a crazy person._

 

_That'll win him over._

 

When Kylo approached the front of the class, Rey straightened up in her seat, but her spine curved when he dropped off the heavily marked up pages on top of the professor's desk versus handing them out. Gone again so quick. The best minute in Rey's day over as her favorite tall dark and disheveled left the room.

_______________

 

Palming the curling metal piece, Rey scrutinized its merits. Her bottom lip worrying between her teeth as she considered if the overpriced junk could possibly work for her vision, testing with a flex of her hand if the curves could bend and manipulate into something priceless. There was give, and it made her heart skip. Always one to trust in the benefits of tender loving care, Rey began to see something out of nothing. Envisioning how the scrap might one day mirror Kylo’s plush lower lip- that hint of his appeal that she’d hopefully capture with the right paint job. The right pink.

 

“See, leave you alone for two minutes, and you end up with oil on your nose!”

 

Jerking her head up towards her friend’s mocking voice, Rey scowled. “There is not.”

 

Chuckling at that tiny blip of indecision in her voice, her friend Poe reached over. Dabbing his finger against the end of Rey’s nose and then grinning victoriously when he held up the inky smear. “Sorry to prove you wrong, love.”

 

“No you’re not,” she groaned, batting his hand away. “You love being right.”

 

“I really do.” He winked.

 

Turning back to the vendor table, Rey adjusted her already heavy tote bag. Done with inflating her friend’s ridiculously large ego for at least a couple more minutes, she ignored him. Letting the curly-headed rogue suffer for a bit even as she was ready to leave. After only an hour of journeying into the swap market, the sun snuck out further and further from the clouds. Bending over sent the tiniest rivulets of sweat running down her slim neck, and she sighed. Sticky where she should have been smooth was all the proof Rey needed that it had come time to settle the debate that she’d internally wrestled over for the past ten minutes, and so after another minute, she held up the metal.

 

"Poe?”

 

“Yes,” he drawled out.

 

Gesturing to the twirled metal strip, Rey asked quite seriously, “Can I break apart this metal crankshaft to look like lips?”

 

“You mean more so than the four greasy hubcaps you already bought, the six dented pistons, and that awful bronze duck?”

 

"Aaah! I told you five times that the duck was just for my room!” Rey squawked far louder than she cared to in public as Poe shimmied his shoulders, far too proud of himself for riling Rey up. Turning away, Rey fished out money from her pocket. Saving her smile for the older lady vendor after deciding to go with her gut, and she added another piece of metal to her bulging bag- not caring one bit if Poe gave her hell for it.

 

“Hard to tell with you sometimes,” Poe quipped.

 

Dodging an elbow jab to his side, Poe answered back with a rakish dimple attack before tossing an arm around her shoulders. Giving Rey a teasing squeeze that made her whine out in distress before Poe shifted the heavy load from her arm to his. Helping her, not looking for verbal thanks when her relieved sigh worked just as well. "How was that graduate art show last week?"

 

"I didn't go."

 

"What?" Poe gave Rey a double take. "You sounded so excited about it."

 

"Yeah," Rey grumbled, "but that was before I realized that likely nobody else was going to go and that I'd be alone, and gawking, and...a little pathetic."

 

"I doubt you'd have been the only one showing up."

 

Brushing off the fear that she'd let paranoia get the best of her, Rey tilted her head. "Yeah, but you know how I feel about people."

 

"They are the worst."

 

"Exactly."

 

Strolling side by side, Poe traded a small smile with her as they weaved their way to the exit. Comfortably content without saying much. After a couple years of friendship, Poe found himself well acquainted with Rey’s stretches of silence. So he didn't push for conversation as they walked, allowing instead for her calm to compliment his zany energy. Not minding some occasional quiet with her since he ended up generally loud enough for the both of them.

 

Well, loud enough for him plus a few Reys to be honest.

 

Now sure, they could also chat for hours, but it hadn't always been that way either. They'd actually lived next door to one another for months before Poe managed his first hello out of her- not realizing at that time that Rey felt particularly icy towards her neighbor thanks to his guitar strumming cutting through their paper thin walls. Despite his warmest smile, she didn't thaw, and that's why they spent another month seeing each other coming and going without further chatting. Passing by as strangers joined together by only the same busted central heating until Poe set his mind to befriend her. Knocking on Rey’s apartment door one day with an invitation over for pie as he crossed his fingers that she lived up to the starving artist cliché.

 

Strawberry rhubarb pie it turned out was the great uniter.

 

After a few plates of Poe’s special recipe, they’d hit it off. Bonding over their shared love of everything Andy Warhol and then later bonding over their shared enthusiasm for saying the word ‘rhubarb’ after a couple glasses of wine. By the end of the night, they'd ended up lying on the carpet while pretending to walk on the ceiling. Laughing until their cheeks hurt, but even without alcohol, they could now banter an afternoon away as their seven-year age difference never tripped them up. They just clicked. Enjoying one another as if they'd been friends for much longer. Opposites attracting, but Poe knew well enough to expect less conversation whenever Rey wound up in creative mode. In the throes of giving her all to an obsession, she'd get that far away glaze in her eyes, and Poe had learned that, oddly enough, he preferred conversations where both sides paid attention. So he walked with her, quietly enjoying the hint of lilac in the springtime breeze until he’d finished steering them towards their favorite coffee shop.

 

“Are you seriously suggesting another latte?” Rey asked, staring up at her friend incredulously.”You’ve already had three today.”

 

Smoothing down his unruly curls, Poe impishly grinned. “Confession time, the coffee is my generous treat for _you_ since I know that you’ll be working on your project until some ungodly hour tonight. And for me, coming here is _my_ treat since I'll lay eyes on that fine ass barista.”

 

Clicking her tongue against her teeth, Rey shook her head.“You’re obsessed.”

 

“Says the girl whipping a sculpture together to look like her crush’s mouth.”

 

Rey’s eyes narrowed.

 

“Aww, c’mon friend, help a guy out,” Poe pleaded, dropping his shame in order to raise his hands up into a prayer pose.

 

“You are incorrigible.”

 

"Yes! Okay, but before we go in," Poe caught her by the arm, lowering his voice as a soccer mom passed and he winced, "tell me on a scale of one to Hux, how gay do you think that cute barista Finn is?”

 

“Your ex Hux is the end all be all of gays for this measurement?”

 

Poe enthusiastically nodded. “Hux was a double major in theatre and art who one day spoke only to me in Robyn lyrics.”

 

Rey burst out into giggles. “Okay," she gasped, still snickering,"that’s fair. _However_ , I’d say that the cute boy-rista is sitting at a solid zero on the gay scale because he hasn’t personally told me that he’s gay. Until he does, I’ll assume he’s just a Finn because any other assumption is a stereotype-”

 

“Ah!" Poe interrupted with a held up finger, his eyes widening to owlish."But what about the fact that he fills my coffee to the top! The very top, Rey!”

 

“Is that what passes for flirting these days?”

 

“Yes,” Poe answered. “The world is grim.”

 

Knowing better than to argue against the truth, Rey pulled open the door. “Well Mr. Sassface, you better be prepared to buy me an extra hazelnut syrup pump.”

 

Bumping his hip against hers, Poe laughed. “Oh Rey, I think that both your sexy TA and I would agree that you’re well worth at least two pumps!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that there wasn't much Kylo this time around, BUT, it's actually the first chapter to deviate from my original Tumblr drabbles. There was previously 0 Kylo in this bit, and so I'd say that this is an upgrade :)
> 
> And Rey showed restraint by not going to Kylo's show...so she's not a stalker, yay!
> 
> Super curious to know what you thought about Poe and her relationship, and hope you're enjoying the story which will have tons of Kylo next chapter.
> 
> -Bunny


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sincere warm thank you to the kind souls who liked, reblogged, kudo'd, and commented on the fic so far.

It was Lisztomania.

 

Well, not exactly the eighteen-forties fan-frenzied response to classical composer Franz Liszt, but the Phoenix song of the same name certainly caused a present day scene. Walls and bodies shook in the living room. People screeched along to the lyrics at the top of their lungs as intoxication ruled the night and underfed college arms flailed. Up against a wall, a far less enthused Rey clutched tighter onto a cup of something she’d never drink. Desperately scanning the dance floor for an escape route, and her face mirrored Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ when she finally braved a step forward.

 

Horror for Rey was feeling a sweaty wet arm on her sweaty wet arm. Once was bad enough, but three times left her gagging. Practically dry heaving over a meeting of moisture that made her want to wring old Liszt’s dead ass even before a shoulder bumped into her spine.

 

“Sorrrrrry!”

 

Not surprisingly, a slurred stranger’s apology didn’t count for much when sugary punch seeped between Rey’s toes. A shudder of revulsion rolled down her body. Watching the drunkard go by with a goofy penitent smile, she somehow miraculously refrained from flicking him off, and she fully accepted then that it wasn’t anybody else’s fault that she felt awkward and out of place. That was her normal. But once “soiled by rum punch” added to the ongoing list of reasons why she hated the party, Rey decided to call it a night. It wasn’t her scene at all, she couldn’t stop beating herself up about her swiftly approaching art project deadline, and if anybody met the girl’s gaze they would have assumed that the only possible explanation for her attendance in the first place was likely trickery.

 

In truth, she’d been bribed- and not even with money. No, Rey had been bribed with pizza- and not even with good pizza.

 

Four eighty-cent frozen pizzas in exchange for accompanying her friend Poe to the party- so he wouldn’t be alone- happened to be the deal once considered too tempting to turn down. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time Rey made a bad bargain on cheap pizza. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time that Poe lured her with pizza that month, but that night there was the added bonus of getting to pat herself on the back for being a selfless best friend who cheaply fed herself too. Yes, it was basic broke ass college economics that led to Rey entering a three bedroom apartment party, but the minute they’d stepped into the chaos, Poe had predictably swept away into a sea of loud greetings as Rey longed to bash her head on the rocks.

 

"Oh, I can see how terrible it is for you to be alone," she grumbled.

 

Knowing better than to chase him down when he rode the first social high wave, Rey made a beeline for baby carrots. Snatching up the orange beauties as her gaze wandered. Making a dent in the hummus, she observed her flirty butterfly friend flitting about, shining in his element. Bobbing her head along to the music, she felt content enough to scam on free snacks until he returned to check on her, but the red bubbles oozing through her Converse sneakers served as the last straw. Poe had gone rogue, she'd gone messy. After an hour of accidentally ending up shoved onto a dance floor, Rey mimed dancing in order to push past all the writhing bodies.

 

Doing her best eel impersonation, she weaved across the room and into the hallway in under three songs.

 

Dabbing off her cheeks with a dress sleeve, she deeply inhaled. Sweet freedom mixed in the air with a hint of nag champa incense, but Rey still couldn't see Poe. Positive that her friend was likely charming the literal pants off of his crush, Rey inched closer to the front door. Ready to leave the epic fail of a night far, far behind until she picked up on the faintest whine leaking out from behind the nearest bedroom door. Just like Rey knew that she was caked in at least four people’s perspiration, she also immediately recognized that that particular noise could only come from something cuddly with a nose squishy from inbreeding. A being so spectacular that the normally shy girl threw open a door to a room that she had no business wandering into.

 

“Oh. My. God.”

 

Both of Rey’s hands fluttered up to her mouth as she gasped in delight. Bouncing on her toes, unleashing the longest squeal as an adorable roly-poly puppy snorted up at her. The jumpy fawn-colored French bulldog joyfully pawed at her ankles while snorty-whining as Rey could not even….she just could not even.

 

“Look at you!” Releasing another whine of her own, Rey picked him up. “Oooooh my god, you are the best thing in the world.”

 

Forgetting that she’d barged into somebody’s room, Rey sunk down onto the corner of the mattress resting on the floor. Lying on her side, she allowed the full-on puppy attack to commence.  Encouraging a fluff invasion that was thoroughly welcomed after her crap night and Rey swore that each little cheek lick was worth all the cheap pizzas in the world. Heck, each puppy breath croak was well worth all the flaky friends too.

 

“Who do you belong to?” she cooed at the little tub of velvety butter, scratching around his ears. “Who could leave you alone for even one minute?”

 

The question was meant to be rhetorical, but Rey had her answer when the door flew open.

 

“Be right back, just gotta throw down my bag-” a booming excited voice called out before his laughter died. “Uhhh, Rey?”

 

_No, no, no, no, no._

 

Standing frozen in the doorway, her shocked TA gawked at her.

 

“There was a dog,” Rey hastily explained, scrambling to sit up as the pup in question padded over to snort all over Kylo. “I-I heard it…he was whimpering-”

 

“You’re in my room,” Kylo cut her off, unconsciously scratching at the scruff along his jaw as his eyes widened. “You’re in my room, on my bed.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t know you lived here.”

 

“Well, I do.”

 

Sinking into a thickening discomfort on top of Kylo’s comforter, Rey grimaced as his bag slid off his shoulder. The longer that he continued to stare at her with a dazed expression, the more the flustered girl felt smaller: a tiny insignificant speck littering on his life. A nuisance you barely noticed until you needed it gone. Hoping to cut the tension, poor Rey rushed into a bad case of the rambles, “It’s just that my friend Poe was invited by this guy Finn who works at the coffee shop we go to. Poe didn’t want to come here alone in case it turned out that Finn wasn’t single- even though Poe’s pretty sure that a topped off coffee is an invitation for a blowjob. But anyways, some pizza propositioning was involved in getting me here, and then the puppy made me stay…”

 

_Great talk, Rey._

 

Too mortified to maintain eye contact, Rey stared down at the mattress beneath her. Black sheets rumpled from recent use swamped around her legs, pillows lay on the ground, and Rey’s lips dropped into her own confused frown as she took in more and more of her surroundings. The room was stark. Exactly zero pops of personality aside from a red painting on the wall came into immediate focus, but she kept searching for it. Looking for even some clutter on top of his end tables, but there wasn't so much as a page of scribbled up drawings in the trash. No, all she could find was cold white and inky black bleeding into her daydreams. Nothing hinting at such a talented artist inhabiting a place so utterly lacking in passion, so militaristic.

 

_So unlike him._

 

To be fair, Rey also couldn't explain what she'd expected. She’d never given Kylo’s life outside the classroom much thought, but when she didn’t recognize a glimmer of the Kylo that she’d obsessed over it hit her that she didn’t know him at all. He was altogether foreign to her.

 

A beautiful stranger.

 

A hollow space with good bones that she'd filled in the insides to fit her vision.

 

Something close to a laugh worked its way up her throat. The reflex could only be described as an automatic side effect of frustration and humiliation craving release as Rey didn’t know what band posters she’d have pegged for his walls, or what awards he might have framed. She couldn’t guess the author of one single book on his bookshelf, and with each swallow of bittersweet clarity, her stomach turned. Feeling foolish, feeling naive, and more than ever feeling like a little girl with an out of her depth crush.

 

Cringing over the absurdity of it all, Rey moved to get up when his voice stopped her. “So you met Ramen?”

 

“Who?”

 

“The puppy,” Kylo answered, scooping up the yipping animal for a cuddle so brief that Rey almost missed it. Unceremoniously plopping down beside Rey, Kylo continued to casually pet the dog while explaining, “I’ve actually only had him for a couple months, but he’s a pretty cool dude.”

 

“He’s awfully cute.”

 

"Right?" Beaming as if he could take credit for the cuteness knocked all the discomfort right out of Rey, and she relaxed even as Kylo energetically gushed, “I think so too! Yeah, my ex-girlfriend’s family breeds French bulldogs for competitions. The pedigree is apparently strong with this family, and every puppy in his litter went for nine thousand dollars.“ Cupping the puppy’s ears, Kylo whispered, “Then some elitist twat suggested that Ramen’s walk wasn’t up to standards, and when I defended his perfectly fine trot, my ex’s mom gave him to me for free.”

 

Rey’s jaw dropped. “You own a nine thousand dollar dog, but your mattress is on the floor?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“And you named your nine thousand dollar dog, Ramen?”

 

“Yep.” Kylo's grin stretched so wide that it crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Ramen was the food that basically kept me alive freshmen year. So I figured what better name for something else I love?”

 

Not about to argue with sound logic, Rey gave Ramen’s humongous ears some soft tugs. Purring at him, “And here I thought you were just adorable, but little did I know that you could pay off my student loans too.”

 

As the puppy took an ungraceful leap off the bed, Kylo laughed. “He’s the fanciest one in the flat.”

 

Giving his place another once over, Rey added,“Well, your room is-”

 

“Boring.” Kylo finished for her, rolling his eyes. “Whatever you were going to say the honest answer is that it’s boring.”

 

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

 

“Something nicer then?”

 

“Probably,” Rey carefully considered her answer without realizing how much closer she leaned towards Kylo. ”My building on the outside honestly looks like scrap metal decided to get together for an ugly orgy in the nineteen-seventies. So, I don’t have much room to talk, but I’ve always thought that you do what you can with what you have. At least the room is roomy.”

 

Kylo’s lips quirked to the side. “The room is roomy?”

 

Smearing a hand down her face, Rey groaned. “I meant large.”

 

“Yes, quite boring and large,” Kylo added with an over the top head bob. “Glad we can now be honest about it.”

 

“Boy, you enjoy tearing it down, don’t you?”

 

“No, I just call a spade a spade.” Kylo shrugged, pushing his hair back behind his ears without a trace of agitation. “Honestly, my money doesn’t go into the room because any spare funds I have immediately get funneled back into my education or my art supplies. I’m too busy to worry about aesthetics inside a place I’m barely at, and I’m practical about where I spend my time- and who I spend it with. If it’s an option between taking a girl out on a date with forty bucks or buying a fancier IKEA tv stand, then I’m going to choose the girl every time. ”

 

Looking to derail hearing anything further about Kylo’s dates with other girls, Rey spouted out the first thing that sprung to mind while eyeing his shiny black boots, “Hmm, you never struck me as all that poor.”

 

“I didn’t use to be.”

 

“You still don’t look it now.”

 

"Thanks,” Kylo’s gravelly voice rolled into a chuckle. “It’s nice to hear that the all-black ensembles I rock are doing me some covert social status favors after my fall from grace.”

 

If only his eyes glittered when he laughed Rey might have joined in, but they didn't, and so she cautiously asked, "What happened?"

 

“Ah, that’s a good story,” Kylo sighed, his broody expression falling back into place. ”Pretty much everything about my current lack of funds has to do with a marvelous double whammy school screw over. Back when I was an undergrad, the Financial Aid office claimed that my parents made too much money for me to qualify for help. That made sense, but then after my parents cut me off after a political disagreement, I still couldn’t receive assistance.“

 

Rising up from the bed, Kylo placed a drowsy looking Ramen in a kennel in the corner of the room. Going through the motions of something nurturing even as the muscles along his spine tightened with tension. “Oddly enough," he gruffly continued, "the school doesn’t exactly accept pictures of a heated up Thanksgiving Day frozen meal as definitive proof that you’re financially screwed at eighteen. Nope, I look too good on paper. So all of the sudden when I'm taking on a sixteen-hour course load I had to simultaneously work two jobs just to afford my books, my tuition, and this apartment shared with a guy I met on Craigslist- who thankfully wasn't much for murdering.”

 

“Wow, school’s pretty expensive here without any grants.”

 

“Indeed,” Kylo agreed, unable to fight back the bitterness in his laugh as he sat back down beside Rey. “There’s a reason the last gallery collection I showed was titled ‘Daddy Issues’. “

 

Before Rey could talk herself out of it, she took his hand in hers. Sympathetically squeezing, offering whatever comfort her small fingers could provide while dwarfed by his massive hand. The acrylic paint chips underneath her nails stood out so vibrantly against his skin- the quirky boldness so very her- and Kylo’s smile softened.

 

“You’re sweet.”

 

Dragging her teeth along her lower lip, Rey shook her head.

 

“Not entirely…

 

The corner of Kylo's mouth sensually tipped up before a loud thump outside the door jarred them into jerking away from one another. The illusion of intimacy dissolved, hands releasing. Nothing to do but stare at the widened gap between them that only highlighted the ugly reminder of why she'd ended up there in the first place, and Rey's mouth dried. Up until that moment, she’d plum forgot that her handsome crush hadn’t actually invited her to his room for an intimate chat. It wasn’t a date. They weren’t even friends. No, she’d barged into his life, and on the off chance that he was only humoring her, Rey gave him an out.

 

 Stammering out, “Sorry again for slipping into your room.”

 

“Well, I’m not exactly kicking you out am I?” Kylo said, his gaze piercing.

 

“No, guess not,” Rey swallowed hard, chest rising and falling without hope of a steadying breath when he looked at her like every step of his day had been geared towards having her in his bed. 

 

Before Rey could repeat tripping over her own nerves, Kylo intertwined his ink-stained fingers with hers again. An innocent enough hand squeeze keeping her beside him on the bed and her heart fluttered up into her throat. Oxygen and excuses blocked off, temporarily safe from embarrassing herself with words since he'd proceeded to steal her breath away. 

 

“I should probably say something clever now,” he told her, “but I can’t stop staring at your lips.”

 

For a few stuttered heartbeats, Rey was sure that she’d heard Kylo wrong. Brain snagging on the fear that she'd dozed off until his thumb brushing against her knee proved otherwise. It was no daydream. There was nothing more real than those small maddening circles grazing against her skin as he shamelessly admitted,

 

“I actually think about them a lot.”

 

“Oh,” Rey exhaled.

 

Shifting his gaze from her eyes to her mouth and back again, Kylo continued, “I keep thinking about…”

 

“What?” Rey whispered.

 

“Thinking about how sweet you’d taste.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...thoughts?
> 
> :D


	5. Chapter 5

Shifting his gaze from her eyes to her mouth and back again, Kylo continued, “I keep thinking about…”

 

“What?” Rey whispered.

 

“Thinking about how sweet you’d taste.” 

 

Courtesy of a couple cups of punch, Rey immediately assumed that she was hallucinating this entire conversation. _Inebriation._ Yes, that explained what was going on here. That explained the lightheadedness- the laughable illusion that he wanted her. Too much booze on the brain was clearly causing this break in reality versus her actually sitting in her TA’s room- on her TA’s bed- as the object of her obsession claimed a longing to taste her. Going on about a preoccupation with her pout as if that were somehow plausible. _No, you can't be that lucky- you can't even dream up something this good._

 

_And you've spent a lot of time with him in your dreams._

 

One by one, all these scattered insecurities flickered by in the space of an inhale before Rey settled on trusting the intensity in his stare.

 

Believing just for one second that he wanted her too.

 

Leaning in closer, Rey took a chance. "Why don’t you find out?”

 

At her words, Kylo’s eyes widened a fraction. But when he didn’t immediately launch over after her invitation, a rising swell of panic punched into Rey’s courage.  

 

_Oh God, was I really just dreaming this up? Was he just talking about the weather and then I…Oh, God-_

 

An excuse curled her lips, but before she could get it out, Kylo’s hands traced up her jaw. Soothing her insecurity with a bit of softness before his mouth crushed against hers. Forcing out her beautiful gasp of surprise against his tongue, and he worked for the next one. Kissing Rey again and again until she knew without a doubt that this wasn’t a dream.

 

He wanted her.

 

No, he craved her, and there wasn't anything shy about him moaning Rey's name while her heartbeat throbbed in places she needed him to touch. Nothing hesitant at all about him sucking on her skin, grazing his teeth as Rey grabbed a fistful of his hair to hold on. Tugging the strands for control before seceding it when his tongue dipped back into her mouth, gliding along hers. Catching her body on fire stroke by stroke as passion and want colored each movement, and she went willingly into the flames. Following his lead when he leaned her back into the mattress.

 

They should talk.

 

They should discuss what it means.

 

They should stop to consider repercussions.

 

They should, they should, they should, but they won't.

 

Tossing aside cautious and practical, Kylo dragged calloused fingertips from collarbone and down ribs to her hips. Making her squirm and arch. Defying her wildest expectations with all the ways he could turn her on, and there wasn't any of the slow heat that Rey always envisioned might occur during their first kiss- but there were broken moans between sucks.  

 

A flick of tongue before a bite.

 

All her fantasies met as he kissed her like he’d coveted it for a year, and he refused to waste one more second on simply breathing.

 

When at last they pulled back for a breath, Rey noticed his hair glinting blackish-blue in the light. She stared at those loose dark strands hanging down in front of his face until he pushed them back, but not before she'd decided that the sheen matched crow feathers or oil shimmering on the water. It wasn’t the time to think about palettes, but how could Rey not when he was a work of art? Carved marble with lips all swollen thanks to her. Beautifully disheveled. His eyes darkened obsidian from her, his ivory cheeks colored with lust for her, and she’d never seen anything so sexy.

 

_You’re so lovely._

 

_So damn lovely, but I’d melt into a puddle of anxiety before ever telling you._

 

Right then, Rey even found the act of him simply staring down at her extraordinary, further enamoring her with this gorgeous someone that she couldn’t possibly believe felt the same full body fondness even as his thumb grazed across her bottom lip. Tracing what he'd left pink. Teasing what he'd taste again. Helping Rey with pretending that they shared the same feelings when their lips met again for a slower, coaxing kiss. Yes, and when he offered up desire like that, she'd willing drown in a sea of ignorance.

 

“Wanted this,” his husky words rumbled against her lips as he nipped at them again. ”Fuck wanted you for-”

 

A desperate groan claimed the last of his sentence- the confession folded under a deepened kiss, and Rey could have cried out in relief. No matter how Kylo would have finished, she'd feared an impulsive confession back that she’d loved him from the moment that she’d first laid eyes on him- her wobbling voice revealing how much this kiss from him fulfilled her. After that, there'd be no hiding that this wasn't just another hook-up for her. He'd get that this meant everything- and gone would be the illusion of her as someone breezy or cool. Instead, he'd be stuck in bed with a girl wanting too much, and Rey couldn’t stand for their passion to fall into pity so quickly. If this was all they'd ever share, she wanted to enjoy every last second, and that’s why when he pinned her arms above her head, she felt free.

 

High as a cloud with something noticeably harder pressed against her thigh.

 

Pushing aside her dress strap, he kissed the bared skin as he rocked up against her. Surrounding her with his scent and need as his jeans scraped glorious friction where she needed him most, and she shamelessly purred for him to go faster. Without breaking eye contact, Kylo inched his fingers lower down her body and then higher up her dress. Edging around and under lace until the damp against his fingers triggered a hungry sound in the back of his throat; a satisfied masculine noise that set off every last flare in Rey's body. Heating up over his desire, she tipped her head back for air. Gasping. Begging. Pleading for what they both wanted as she feverishly tugged his sweater up, raking nails against his skin until a drunk off arousal Rey blurted out,

 

“Do torsos seriously go on that long?”

 

“What?” Kylo chuckled, breaking their kiss. “Um, I guess mine does.”

 

"Shit, shit forget what I said,” Rey begged, smearing her thumb down his lip to distract him away from her humiliation. “Please forget that.”

 

Playfully biting the tip of her finger, Kylo shook his head. “Now why would I do that when compliments about my torso are my number two turn on?”

 

“It wasn’t a compliment,” she mumbled, burying her face in a pillow.

 

“Oh, even better!” Kylo comically humped her thigh. “My number one turn on is when people talk shit about my torso.”

 

“You’re supposed to be the dignified one,” Rey barked out a laugh, pulling him down to descend a swarm of airy butterfly kisses upon his lips. Brushing against him softly, and grinning like mad when he laughed out that it tickled. Doing it again and again, she loved that he was absurd with a dash of ticklish. She loved knowing two more things about him.

 

“You’re insane,” she murmured between kisses.

 

“You taste like punch,” Kylo punctuated his observation by sucking on the end of her tongue.

 

Stoic, handsome Kylo, Rey could handle. She’d lusted after the buttoned-up version of him for months, academia acting as her aphrodisiac, but a frisky, flirty, adoring and highly sexual Kylo sliding a hand up her thigh shattered her. No, there was no recovering from that amount of heat exposure, and when his lips parted in awe as he slowly eased up to the knuckle inside of her, Rey panicked. Terrified by how complete she felt on every level, she squirmed. Feeling too full as well as helplessly frazzled by a fear of betraying all her hopes for them on her next moan.

 

“Wait!” she chirped to save herself.

 

“Oh okay, of course,” Kylo panted, holding up his hand. ”Sorry, sorry.”

 

"N-no, no, it’s fine,” she stammered, admitting the lie and truth with a wince. “It’s...it's just that we don’t know one another.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Abruptly rolling off her, Kylo rested on his hip beside Rey. Brows pulled together pensively even as he likely suffered from an uncomfortable pressure in his jeans, and it pained Rey too that she'd allowed anxiety to stop what they'd started. For a few moments, all that passed between them were heavy breaths, and Rey could have kicked herself for mucking everything up. Everything that came so natural now felt replaced by awkward. She worried that she'd spooked him off from touching her again, but then Kylo clasped their hands together with the addition of a reassuring wink. “Tell me about yourself.”

 

"Why?"

 

Cocking his head to the side, he grinned. "To get to know one another."

 

“I…you’re very distracting.”

 

Lifting her hand up to his mouth, he planted a kiss along her knuckle. “What do you like Rey?”

 

“This,” Rey sucked down a shaky breath. ”And…”

 

“And?”

 

_The sound of your voice when you call on my name._

 

_Earning praise for art inspired by you._

_Watching you fall apart for me._

 

“Civil war reenactment documentaries.”

 

Kylo blinked. “Come again?”

 

Shooting her gaze up to the ceiling- since she sure as hell couldn’t meet his eyes after that absurd admission-, Rey let her tense rambles loose, “I like watching those Civil War documentaries on the History channel- the ones where they use the same shot of an actor ten times in one episode. It's always some somber war bride scribbling a note to her beloved. And I get that it's so freaking cheesy, but I live for it, and it probably doesn't hurt that I’ve always enjoyed weird Civil War history too. Like, I’ll honestly watch them anytime they're on TV. Anytime. Also, the sole reason I have TV at all is that I wanted to watch the Olympics once and then I kept forgetting to cancel the service." Sucking down a breath, Rey shrugged before continuing,"But, I really should have guessed that would happen since I procrastinate all over the place; I’m even awful about returning library books, and because I read three books at once that’s an expensive flaw. So I rack up a ton of late fines, and I’m also obsessive when it comes to winning board games...not that that has anything to do with procrastination, but it's the truth. I also don’t think most babies are cute, but I’ve never met an ugly puppy. Guess that means I’m an evolutionary hiccup or something, and you know those people that knit yarn over bikes and light poles?”

 

“Yeah, you one of them?”

 

“No. I’m just terrified to come out one day when I’m really busy only to find my bike knit together.”

 

To Kylo’s credit, he didn’t crack up until that last statement. All throughout the frenzied rant, he’d made a gallant effort of holding back his laugh, but he couldn’t help it. Closing his eyes, he snorted through a muffled chuckle. “I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.”

 

“Totally understandable.” Rey laughed, and sweet, calming relief trickled through her when he squeezed her hip, pulling her closer.

 

Instead of freaking out after her outburst, Kylo placed a kiss on the end of her nose.

 

“You are a bit of a nut,” he told her, but he was all smiles when he leaned back. “And just so you know, I steal the covers, I always forget the lyrics to songs, I find it strangely therapeutic to mop, I have twenty tattoos, I have no interest in space, and I have no interest in the Civil War but I think I’d very much enjoy watching your expression as you watch those shows.”

 

A party raged outside the door, but Rey felt comfortably cocooned with the right person after his admission. Safe and secure to be herself. Instead of calling her out after she'd cracked under pressure, he'd offered up a part of himself, indulging her. Easing back her nerves, and with new confidence, she slowly nudged up the hem of his sweater. Taking advantage of feeling his skin tremble beneath her touch, Rey traced her fingers along a black starburst design that repeated higher and higher up his ribs. Firm enough not to tickle, she kept exploring all she could before the illusion of something magical happening between them dissolved away. Adoring the blots of ink along his side that were smeared as though he’d drawn them himself, and every mark on him felt thoughtful. He was a perfect blend of sharp lines and toned muscle, and Rey shyly bit down on her lip while admiring him. “I’ve only seen a couple of tattoos on your wrist…I like these…I like these a lot.”

 

“Those are my war wounds,” Kylo admitted with a sharp inhalation breaking up the sentence.

 

Rey’s eyebrows arched up in confusion. “We’re not in any wars.”

 

“Well, not since I won them all.”

 

Something about that cheeky response forced Rey into action. Throwing her leg over his hip, she met his startled o-shaped lips with a frantic kiss. Enjoying him, them. Forgetting all about holding back any longer, she ravished this very real version of her crush as he responded in kind. Letting her take the lead. Moaning so deliciously when she urged him to sink his fingers into her again and she whispered that she couldn't wait to come for him. Tugging down the soaked fabric between her thighs, Kylo intended to hear what satisfied sounded like on her lips before a loud knock pounded against his door.

 

“Go away!” he shouted back over his shoulder.

 

“Kylo! Trooper keeps puking in the magazine rack!”

 

“Sucks for him!” Kylo snapped, his snarl turning Rey on as he circled her clit with his thumb.

 

"Fu-" Rey gasped. "I'm already close."

 

"Kylo!" The pounding on the door struck again. “You’re the only one big enough to help him to the bathroom!”

 

“Aaaaah,” Kylo growled against Rey’s neck as his hand went slack against her. Reluctantly standing up from the bed, he kissed each of her fingers in apology. ”I’m so sorry that my friends are destructive idiots. I’ll be right back. Please stay though.”

 

“Of course.” Rey laughed despite how much she already missed his touch.

 

“Promise me that you’ll stay.”

 

“I promise,” Rey over-enunciated. Dragging the two words out in order to show her commitment to finishing where they’d left off even while shooing him away with a lazy hand wave. “Go save the day hero.”

 

Clawing his fingers through his hair, Kylo scowled at the door before staring back at her. Pupil’s all blazed, and groaning out his misery when her knees parted, “Fuuuck, you look so sexy in my bed.”

 

“Go!”

 

“Stay!”

 

“I will,” Rey assured her adorable distraught crush with another laugh.

 

But within minutes, Rey broke that promise. Hastily leaving the room and any fantasies she’d ever created about her and Kylo behind. Not about to swallow down another one of his too perfect words intended to make her feel special when ripped open gold foil already sat on top of his trashcan. The remnants of barely dried lust clinging to the bag that was all the sordid proof Rey needed to confirm that she wasn’t the only girl recently in the charmer’s bedroom.

 

No, it looked like she wasn’t even the first one that day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know- Bunny giveth and Bunny taketh away.
> 
> I am cruel, but I'd love to hear what ya'll thought about their first kiss....and following thirty.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI, this is part 1 of 2.

For a solid two months, Rey twisted herself up over one color.

 

Any pink could work. Nobody aside from her would notice the difference, but that kind of sound logic didn’t stop Rey’s endless experimentation to find the exact pigment to do him justice. Her tireless searching and searching for a hue capable of possibly evoking the same dizzy fluttering in her chest that took flight whenever Kylo smiled her way during class since she'd felt determined to make her inspiration from him count if it was the closest she'd ever get.

 

Over an embarrassing number of nights, the art student counted color swatches instead of sheep. She allowed her TA to remain the last thought on her mind at the expense of pride, time, and energy. Yet for all her trouble she'd come up empty for months. Failing, stressing out. Beginning to believe that she’d never pin down the perfect shade, but the morning after kissing Kylo, Rey would have paid good money to scrub that damn color off of her memory.  

 

_Dusky Pink._

 

_Of course, he's Dusky Pink._

 

Seated in front of her sculptures, Rey hung her head with a groan. Threading her fingers through her hair as the newly identified shade taunted her beneath. Unable to stop picturing a Rolodex of colors rifling in her mind only to land on Dusky Pink softly sucking on her, Dusky Pink tugging her lip, Dusky Pink smiling up at her.

 

Dusky Pink on another.

 

Unfortunately, it turned out that closing her eyes with a pained whimper didn't help. Even the world blacked out couldn't dim that one stubborn color out of her thoughts, and so Rey set down her paintbrush. Giving up for the day, unable to fathom creating anything beautiful when queasiness took over each time she remembered something so perfect up close without hope of ever seeing it again.

 

"I'm an idiot," Rey mumbled, sliding her hand back down into her lap. Over everything even before she decisively padded away from her workspace after reckoning that it was no use tormenting herself any longer when plenty of perfectly good books in her bedroom were available for her to get lost in. All those pages and pages calling out for use as an escape if only Rey could focus on anything else long enough to forget about that damn Dusky Pink.

 

________________________________

 

Frowning down into her pillow, Rey batted at her alarm. Even miles away from alert she remained close enough for humiliation to demand that she burrow beneath the sheets again for all of eternity. Smothering her face further into her pillow, Rey decided with a pitiful whine that she couldn't possibly speak to him that day. Hell, she couldn't even imagine leaving the comfort of her bed to face a man who likely considered her one of many.

 

_What’s one more missed class when I can't focus anyway?_

 

Rolling onto her back, Rey followed the spinning fan blades. Weighing her options in a dazed out state without noticing when she first began stroking her thumb across her lips. The soft pad idly grazing from corner to corner as thinking of Kylo triggered a response for intimacy until a horrified Rey lifted her hand up and away.

 

Dragging the comforter back over her head, Rey gave up on Monday.

 

Shutting out the light and him all in one.

 

______________________________

 

A steady downpour sliding her feet out from under her felt comically on point for Rey’s mood on Wednesday. Of course, each splash from above would seemingly tell the world to go fuck itself wet as the girl with the broken umbrella miserably climbed up the steps to the art building. Pissed, drenched, and stalling.

 

But worst of all painfully aware with each sloppy step up that she was being unfair.

 

True, in less than one night, Kylo Ren and her shared jokes and touches. In so many ways he’d exceeded her greatest expectations while acting out her wildest dreams, but when it came down to it, they weren’t together. They were young and untethered. No matter how urgently they kissed in his bed, they remained two college kids free to canoodle with anybody they pleased, and she’d hardly played the part of the prude before that kiss. No, Rey had dated, and screwed, and screwed up dating.

 

At her most broke during freshmen year, Rey even accepted a couple dates from insanely boring guys in order to scam on a free meal.

 

Now trading polite conversation for tacos wasn’t exactly Rey's proudest moment in life, but she’d given all angles of dating a shot while in college. Sampling what it felt like to be loved, used, and use others too. Reaching for the stars, but settling for a roll in the hay. Figuring out what hit her buttons, and Rey couldn't claim that she'd been guarding her precious flower until the right knight came along either.

 

No, she’d delightfully trampled any and all petals as soon as she could.

 

In Rey's opinion, a past only meant experience. Whenever she felt sickened by the idea of Kylo with others, the word hypocrite flashed in neon lights in her brain, and that's why she kept repeating under her breath that him hooking up with somebody else shouldn’t make her feet drag so. They'd had fun. Briefly, they'd had each other. Whoever he touched a month, week or hours before shouldn't be able to wield the power to take anything away from those moments in Kylo's room when they'd shared a touch of blissed out beautiful. After all, they were nothing before she entered the room and they were certainly nothing after she left.

 

_It was casual._

 

_Just be casual, Rey._

 

As she flicked water off of her fingertips, Rey reminded herself that at no point had Kylo let down a promise he’d made to her. Not once did he fill her up on mythical happily-ever-afters, but that didn’t explain why her inner pep talks kept failing. Because, frankly, no matter how much Rey begged herself to move past visions of Kylo pounding into somebody else, she couldn’t stop obsessing over what they _could_ have been. Torturing herself each time she stubbornly envisioned a future with him that felt so painfully far away during the long walk to class.

 

Recalling their ease together, she kept picturing another slow, teasing tilt of his lips up into a smile that felt destined just for her. Closing her eyes, she could almost hear the staccato beat of her name breathed out against her neck as he worked for her pleasure. Falling into the daydream where everything worked out between them until- well, until it all went to hell.

 

All at once, there only remained the image of the used condom in the trash. Step by step, a deadweight capable of sinking all pleasant thoughts settled deep into her stomach when she remembered that sad sack of semen, but this time around Rey hung onto the disappointment with both hands, reliving the shock to remind herself to stay smart. Replaying every moment they’d shared up until that point in order to scrutinize his expressions again and again.

 

Looking for lies between compliments.

 

Desperate to figure out if any part of him felt the same knee-knocking need that made it almost hard to stand up.

 

Gripping onto the stair railing, Rey considered turning back for the seventh time.

 

_This is absurd._

 

_You're being absurd._

 

_It was only one night._

 

Flexing her fingers with newly scrounged up determination, Rey released the railing. Looking worse for wear as students surged by in a rush to beat the bell, but then moving to catch up with them. Going almost confidently forward until she’d reached the outside of the classroom and Rey found herself tapping the rain off of her umbrella as if that laughable excuse could buy her another minute of calm. Watching classmates go in as she set out to shake off every last drop of procrastination.

 

_Go on._

 

_Just go in._

 

Slowly buttoning up her umbrella, Rey urged herself to grow firmer ovaries of steel capable of helping her plaster on an indifferent expression for when she crossed that doorframe. Because when it came down to it, they’d never cemented a monogamous relationship before she'd wound up on her back in his bed. Going home that night she'd been a messy mixture of angry and heartbroken, but Rey couldn't come barging in the room looking like the woman wronged. No, not when no actual cheating transpired. Not when it wasn’t Kylo's fault that he’d found her later in the night after another.

 

For all those reasons, Rey firmly believed that sad face wouldn’t work that day. It wasn't fair to sniffle as if they'd been something real enough to break. Even if she felt more than a little shattered, she couldn’t possibly pout in front of somebody who clearly couldn't have guessed how much those scattering of kisses would mean to her, and so she wiped her damp palms down her skirt.

 

_He's not yours, Rey. He never was. It's fine. It's all fine._

 

Unfortunately for Rey, it turned out that her convincing wasn't the least bit of convincing when her heart took a running free fall to her stomach after entering the room.

 

She was not fine. Nothing was all fine.

 

___________________________

 

Focusing on anything other than his eyes helped.

 

Over the course of easily the longest hour in Rey’s life, the art student feigned interest in the lecture while focusing on a lock of Kylo’s hair. Staring down the curl of blackstrap molasses hanging low over his brow without daring to drop her gaze. Putting on the airs of a casual observer even as her pulse wildly hammered against her throat every time she felt her TA’s eyes silently begging her's to meet his, and still, she refused to give an inch. Purposefully ignoring his pleas to at least humor him when he called out her name for a question and Rey struck back with a hollow-sounding no while staring at his forehead.

 

“No?” Kylo repeated, frustration building in his voice. “You seriously can’t name a single Chihuly piece? How is that even possible when your last paper listed one of his works as your favorite.”

 

“I forgot.”

 

“Is it normal to so easily forget about things once so important to you?”

 

“I’m sure plenty of the public gives them enough attention,” she retorted, glaring at Kylo having the nerve to sound accusatory.

 

A beat passed in a silent standoff.

 

Nobody else in class picked up on Rey’s cutting words, but her TA’s jaw clenched in order to keep back whatever opinion so furiously furrowed his brow- swallowing the statement all the way back down again before he turned away. With his broad back to the room, he scribbled out on the chalkboard ten notable Chihuly sculptures in his elegant script. Making a point of beautifying the world even as his shoulders remained noticeably tense.

 

Rey didn’t look up again until his end of the class announcement.

 

“Good luck everybody on your Friday final.”

 

A murmur of disheartened thanks answered back over the ringing of the bell, and Rey set her pen down. Relieved even as students rushed past her desk to make it to their next class, but before she’d tossed all of her belongings into her bag, Kylo stood beside her desk.

 

“A moment.”

 

Not bothering with arguing, Rey dropped her bag back to the ground.

 

Blowing out an exhale, Rey quelled the childish urge to disobey and make a scene. Forcing herself to behave like a mature adult, she patiently waited until the door snapped shut for the last time. Shoving a hand into his trouser pocket, Kylo looked up at the fluorescent lights above while thinking. Gnawing on the corner of his lip with uncertainty marring his handsome features, and Rey’s shoulders curved forward in her seat. Practically folding in on herself to get away from whatever he intended to say.

 

“You left.”

 

“I did.”

 

“You gotta help me out here, Rey.” Pinching at the bridge of his nose, Kylo murmured, “I’m not a mind reader.”

 

“I didn’t think you were.”

 

“Then why? I just-” Kylo trailed off into a frustrated exhale. “I just thought we were having a good time...and then you left?” Dropping his hand back to his side, Kylo looked away uncomfortably. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

It was a simple enough question with an easy answer.

 

_I saw the condom._

 

_I didn’t want to figuratively, or literally, come second._

 

However, something about Kylo urging her to help him understand stripped Rey of the backbone required to stand up to the man. Mortification kept her rigid, and her mouth sealed tight. From the very beginning, the outcome of someone like her ending up with someone like him always felt like a dream too good to be true. Him liking her didn't compute, and so it sadly came naturally for Rey to accept the dissolution of their brief blip of elation on the night of the party. Of course, things blew up with her left humiliated underneath the carnage because nothing so effortlessly easy between them could ever last. That was the reality of the situation and admitting that she'd wanted more felt only like setting herself up for the second round of embarrassment.

 

He could have anybody.

 

He had.

 

Tragically for Rey, all she knew as her mouth started to tremble was that she longed to be somebody special to him. She wanted him to see her as the one, and not one of many. But she wasn’t about to explain that to him. Delusional, possessive green wasn't a good color on her, and stubbornly set against him possibly making fun of her freaking out over his stable full of lovers, Rey stood up.

 

“I’ve got to get to my next class.”

 

“I know,” Kylo’s voice shook with disappointment. “I just wish I could read your mind so I could understand how I wrecked something that could have been so-”

 

“I gotta go,” Rey abruptly cut him off. Snatching up her bag, she breezed past him. Refusing to hear “good” “perfect” or any other following word like them that would only make it harder to walk away.

 

Leaving behind Kylo to watch her flee as his shoulders sagged in defeat.

 

_________________________

 

Hours later Rey sat on a stool in front of her art piece.

 

Cocking her head to the side, she shook a can of spray paint in preparation. Shooting out a mist of pungent gloss, she shellacked the metal sculptures along the bottom row. One coat after another giving the appearance of five newly moistened lower lips parted in awe, and when her finger eased up off the trigger she knew she’d finished the piece.

 

Everything flawless after months of hard work before Rey leaned over to drag her fingertip against the corner of one metal lip.

 

Smudging the paint because he’s not perfect and neither is she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> I know that I said that this was going to be the final chapter, but it got too darn long (story of my life). However, the next half should be up within the week and it is 100% the last chapter.
> 
> Love to know what you thought about this one though - even if it's just you admitting to screaming at Rey to let Kylo have it.
> 
> -Bunny


	7. Chapter 7

On the night of the senior showcase, Rey lollygagged as well as any lolly has ever gagged.

 

With only thirty minutes left until the gallery opened, text after text lit up Rey's phone as she continued casually sweeping on another layer of eyeshadow. Painting the tiniest canvas while ignoring the outside world. Going about her routine as though she had all the time in the world while her right shoe remained missing and the cardigan that she’d intended to wear that night had clearly grown legs before taking a nostalgic trip to the birthplace of cardigans.

 

However, not even a whiff of worry crossed Rey's features as she shellacked on mascara.

 

One would think that the culmination of her art studies should inspire at least a gram of giddy excitement in the student. On this night, people would praise her. They'd see her work with her name beside neatly typed out in a sanitized black font on a white square. A red sold sticker might even be added in exchange for her feelings dripped out in paint, and at the very least there would be free cocktail weenies artfully wrapped in pastry. Win, win, win this night was Rey's victory lap, but her eyes remained dull and listless until her bathroom door flew open.

 

“Rey!”

 

“What in the hell?” Rey cried out in panic, tripping almost into the toilet.

 

“Why aren’t you ready yet?” Poe demanded, apologies entirely brushed aside as Rey gawked up at him.

 

“I’m in the process of it!”

 

“Then where is your shoe?”

 

“Where are your manners?” Rey shouted back.

 

“Sorry.” Poe laughed, the shock of hearing Rey shout jarring him back into good behavior. “Sorry, I just freaked out.”

 

“You did just freak out.”

 

“I’m a little excited.” Poe sheepishly grinned before a frown took over again “But you were also receiving remnants of worked up worry thanks to you not answering your damn phone or my knocking.”

 

“Sorry,” Rey muttered, “guess I was distracted.”

 

“Good thing I have an extra key then.”

 

“A key meant only for emergencies,” Rey firmly reminded Poe while easing past him and out of the bathroom.

 

Dropping down to her living room floor, Rey scooped her arm under her sofa to retrieve her shoe. Grimacing when it came back with a fair amount of fuzz plus a spider web wrapped around the heel, but after a shake onto her foot it went. Giving up on ever finding her long-lost cardigan, Rey settled for a grey silk kimono over her lacey lavender slip dress. Dressier than she ever intended on looking, but her eyes were frazzled enough to stop anybody from assuming that she was at the gallery for purchasing.

 

Looping her arm through Poe’s, she allowed him the honor of keeping her from toppling over in heels.

 

_______________________

 

Only when they’d reached the gallery did Rey’s steps falter- and not this time from managing to spear another sidewalk grate with a shoe. Oblivious to his companion's sudden emotional upheaval, Poe tugged them forward. Opening the door while poor Rey couldn't even summon enough spunk in her to plead for him to stop. Instead, she went along with her friend though fear and tension took turns smashing up her insides until one glance back from him picked up on the hesitation in her eyes.

 

Pushing the door back shut, Poe pulled them aside. “Okay, out with it.”

 

“What?”

 

“Why did you just stop in front of the gallery?”

 

Scratching at her elbow, Rey shrugged. “No reason.”

 

“Not buying it.”

 

Now, one of the many benefits of a true blue best friend like Poe was his reliability when it came to speaking up for Rey. If somebody dared to get into her face, then nobody could champion her cause like Poe could. Without hesitation, he'd always fight for her- occasionally in two different languages. Yes, either with swings or sass, he'd stand up for his friend, and a drunk enough Rey could ramble on and on about her theory that he'd been a foolhardy hero in a past life. As far as rocks to lean on are concerned, he was the best. However, one of the worst things about having a best friend like Poe was also his utter inability to ease off Rey’s case if she dared go shy around him when something was obviously bothering her. Because nobody could mess with his friend, even her.

 

“Rey-”

 

“What?”

 

“Rey…”

 

“Fine,” she conceded, stomping her heel.” I’m freaking out over seeing Kylo again.”

 

“Hot TA?”

 

Blanching over the embarrassing nickname, Rey lunged forward. Clapping a hand over Poe’s mouth, she turned them both around in a paranoid circle to see if anybody else picked up on what he'd shouted out. Her heart hiccuping the whole time, her pride plummeting until she'd confirmed that the nearest group of people were, thankfully, too far away.

 

Lifting up her hand, she hissed,“ _Yes_ , my TA.”

 

Poe’s eyebrows arched up in distress. “Soooo confused, I thought you liked him.”

 

“I did.”

 

“Then why are you weirding out over seeing him again,” Poe argued before the light went off in his head and his entire expression brightened right into obnoxious. “Wait, is tonight the night when you’re finally planning to bare your soul and tell him that you want to see him bare? Oh my God, is that why you’re freaking out?”

 

“No!” Rey snapped in exasperation, throwing her hands up. “I don’t have to do that since we already made out a couple weeks ago.”

 

“W-what?” Poe stuttered, grinning so hard that even Rey’s cheeks hurt in empathy.”How did you not tell me this?”

 

“Because I knew that you’d make it into a big deal.”

 

“It is a big deal. This is huge!”

 

“No, it’s nothing.” Chewing on her lower lip, Rey shook her head. “It’s really nothing.”

 

Poe's eyes darkened. “Wait, did he hurt you?”

 

“No, he just-” Rey started and stopped two times before the truth eased out. “We had a really good time, but I realized later that it wasn’t all that important to him...that I wasn’t even the first one that night.”

 

“Oh,” Poe’s tone softened. “I'm sorry that he's an ass.”

 

“No, it's fine. I mean, it’s not like we discussed monogamy or anything,” Rey humorlessly laughed, sniffling. ”How could we when we weren’t even in a relationship?”

 

“Oh Rey.”

 

“You don’t have to console me,” she said, smearing a shaky hand against her brow. “I get that I’m being stupidly irrational here when I can’t even remember if he said he liked me." Staring up at the sky, she scoffed. "So, I don’t exactly have the right to be upset or bitter, right? Like, how well could it have possibly ended?”

 

Gathering his friend into his arms, Poe dished out comfort that Rey would never have asked for but so badly needed. Holding on even when she unconvincingly insisted that she was fine. Holding on because she didn’t have to fake it with him, and whenever he did eventually let go her cheeks had gained back a little of their color.

 

Clearing her throat, Rey adjusted her purse strap higher up her shoulder. “It’s cool.”

 

“It’s okay if it’s not too.”

 

“Yeah,” Rey sighed. “But it is what it is either way. We had a good time up until we didn’t, and he’s free to do whatever he wants since he’s attractive as hell and single-”

 

_Oh god, is he single?_

 

As though he’d read her thoughts, Poe added, “He’s single.”

 

Figuring that after her little outburst it was high time to flee the pity party and join the actual party, Rey grabbed hold of the door handle. Opening up the night to all the good and bad that she’d find inside, braving the unknown with a tight smile. Taking Poe's offered arm for a bit of emotional support, but then quirking up an eyebrow. “Wait, how do you know he’s single?”

 

Scratching at the back of his neck, Poe winced in anticipation. “He’s Finn’s roommate.”

 

“What?” Rey shouted.

 

“I-I thought you knew.”

 

“How could I possibly know that?” Rey hissed, dragging him back outside.

 

“Because I-" Poe's voice hitched up. "I thought I mentioned it?”

 

“You didn’t.”

 

“Okay, fine I didn’t!” Poe gushed out. “But that’s only because you wouldn't have gone to the party if you knew.”

 

“Wait!” Rey smacked his arm. “You knew before the party?”

 

"Yes!" Executing the least subtle change of subject ever, Poe exclaimed, “And now show me to your sculpture!”

 

Only since Rey knew that they’d damn sure return to that subject no matter how much Poe squirmed around it, she nudged her friend towards her class’s section of the gallery. Allowing them both an emotional breather while loading up on free pinot grigio off of a platter. Grimacing from the astringent taste, they carefully steered around the crowd. Stopping to trade brief hellos with an in her element Dr. Phasma, promising to pick up a recommendation in a week. Starting to genuinely smile around her peers until Rey froze in place after sighting torment in the shape of Kylo conversing across the room with a fashionable waif. His dark head bowed to catch the blonde’s words, the sleeves of his blazer pushed up to his elbows- showing off tattoo tendrils along his forearms that only a few weeks earlier Rey had tasted. All that ink bared that she'd once felt privileged to explore now casually shown off to another as his hands moved while speaking. Engaging in a talk pleasant enough to curl up the woman's kissable mouth into a laugh that dropped Rey's heart straight to her toes.

 

_Is that who he was with that night?_

 

_Is that what he likes?_

 

Running a hand through her chic banana taffy-colored hair, the woman couldn't have looked any farther away from Rey if she'd tried. Pale, put together, and pretty. Such a sweet confection as Rey looked on sourly.

 

This time around, Rey didn't need to close her eyes in order to picture Kylo leaving with another woman gazing up at him adoringly. No, gifted with a front row seat to the worst show imaginable, Rey immediately got how a new gal from party to party would consider themselves lucky to bed him when it apparently took so very little. Each one hearing that same awed breath later in the night whenever his fingers grazed down their cheek, each answering it back when his lips skimmed their jaw. For a few minutes, all of them tricking themselves into believing that they alone were capable of arousing that impossibly sexy reaction from him.

 

"Wine?" a passing waiter asked.

 

Shaking her vicious thoughts off with a shudder, Rey swigged down the last of her wine along with her envy. Loading up on the offered refill, she reminded herself that the night was meant to celebrate _her_ accomplishments, and not to ruin it all by comparing to anybody else. Turning back to Poe, Rey led them as far away from Kylo as possible while her friend made continual catty comments about the art they passed. Working hard for a smile, slinging out his filthiest jokes to get a rise out of her, but the only thing capable of drawing out Rey’s joy was Poe's low exhale of wonderment when he stood in front of her sculpture.

 

“Oh, it’s wonderful.”

 

“Yeah?” Rey shyly smiled.

 

“Yeah.” Poe took a deep satisfied inhale. “You took all that junk and made this? It’s...it’s incredible.”

 

If anybody else said it, Rey would assume that they were only spouting off whatever they thought she wanted to hear. But this was Poe. If her friend found something dumb, he’d say it. If art dared to be middle of the road or derivative, he’d strain on the phrase, “It’s nice.” But a nearly starry-eyed Poe holding a hand to his chest couldn’t be brushed away as insincere.

 

Resting her temple against his shoulder, Rey stared at her sculpture.

 

Resisting the immediate urge to scrutinize, she looked generously at her labor of love- taking it in. Ignoring any theoretical improvements while simply appreciating the five rows and columns of almost supple metallic lips that would have Escher salivating, each lush slightly different piece harmoniously touching. A panel of temptation.

 

Passion in pink.

 

“It’s really cool, Rey.”

 

Going against all her instincts, Rey accepted the compliment with a smile. “Thanks.”

 

“I wonder if Finn already saw it.”

 

Rey perked up. “Is he coming?”

 

“Should be, I invited him to swing by.”

 

“Ah!” Rey cried out, straightening up. “So that’s why you were all about getting here on time.”

 

“Maybe,” Poe drawled out.“But I only invited him because you deserve another person cheering you on.”

 

“That’s nice.”

 

“I thought so too,” Poe agreed, the corner of his lips sliding up into a sly smile. “Setting up a date with free wine and snacks just happened to be a bonus on top of one of my better ideas.”

 

“Ugh, nevermind,” Rey groaned, rolling her eyes. “I retract my former statement, that’s not nice.”

 

“Getting laid later will be though.”

 

Judging by how quickly the older couple beside Rey and Poe walked away, they did not agree.

 

“Great,” Rey said, trading in another empty for full wine glass from a waiter. ”You’re disturbing senior citizens.”

 

Poe snorted. “Not like they haven’t boned at least once.”

 

“Ew, stop talking about old people boning.” Rey held up her hand. “Also, when did you and Finn start having sex?”

 

Raising his glass to his lips, Poe paused for a mischievously long beat. “The night of the party.”

 

“Really?"

 

"Yes, ma'am."

 

"Please tell me that you're not just doing this for the free coffee.”

 

"It's a perk." Poe laughed over Rey's groan. "But I also really like him."

 

"Aww, I can't believe you didn't immediately tell me about you catching some feelings."

 

Poe shot her a pointed stare. “You’ve been scarce since then.”

 

“I...fair enough.”

 

“You’re forgiven,” Poe proclaimed, gesturing a blessing over her. Snickering when Rey bats his hand away like the fierce kitten she was. ”And if you're wondering, things were spectacular up until Finn puked his guts up-”

 

“Wait, a second,” Rey interrupted, gripping onto Poe’s arm. “Is Finn called Trooper?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s who Kylo rescued out of the bathroom!”

 

“Sadly, yes.” Poe sighed with exaggerated weariness. “Apparently, poor Finn can handle a blowjob but not six blowjob shots.”

 

Rey’s mouth puckered in disgust. “You made him blowjob shots?”

 

"It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Poe shrugged. “We had our first kiss, and then after some yadda yadda yadda the saucily named nightcap seemed comical until Finn purged it all up on my shoes.”

 

“You are...you are just-” Rey chuckled despite not wanting to encourage him, and she rolled her eyes before settling on her best disappointed-grandma impression. “A horny scoundrel."

 

“Hey now,” Poe defended, waving a finger, “It's not like Trooper's a saint either, he’s the kinky fucker who suggested doing it in his roommate's bed."

 

All the color drained from Rey’s face. “You had sex in Kylo’s bed that night?”

 

“Yeah-”

 

Before Poe could finish, Rey took off. Dashing through the crowd, she tossed her drink into a trash as she desperately searched for Kylo. Pleading to all the gods in all the many galaxies to keep him there, begging the skies above not to let her miss her chance.

 

_Where are you?_

 

“Please be here,” Rey whined under her breath, rounding a corner.

 

_Where are you?_

 

Not caring about making a scene, Rey sped down a long corridor of grad student paintings. Going full throttle forward until her heels skidded against the tile floor. Stopped at last just short of a canvas that practically took up a whole wall, and in front of it a sight she found far more beautiful: the tallest man in the room glancing back over his shoulder towards her. Startled, but staring at her, the only person who could urge her to move closer with a hopeful tilt of his lips. Someone who had every right to walk away then after her behavior, but who instead stayed planted in place as Rey closed the distance between them.

 

Unsure of how to begin, Rey studied the painting in front of them.

 

Shifting her focus from Kylo's name beside the art to the long white infinite space stretched across the canvas. All that cold nothingness there reaching out to the ends of the world up against a nest of black paint splashed in one corner. A whirl of vitality with a small slash of pink in the center.

 

A bit of calm in the mess.

 

Before she lost her nerve, Rey reached out for Kylo’s hand. Squeezing in recognition of what he’d broadcasted in paint without words, overwhelmed after immediately guessing who was the black and what the little R-shaped pink represented. Seeing as the shade perfectly matched the flush staining her cheeks, Rey understood who lightened the dark in his opinion, and it almost hurt to breathe. Exactly too many days too late, she vividly recalled him saying in his bedroom that he'd wanted her for a while, and Rey's heart clenched inside of her chest.

 

“It’s me,” she whispered.

 

“Yes,” Kylo replied, not turning to her.

 

Rey sharply inhaled. “What’s all the rest?”

 

“Everything that isn’t important.”

 

On the canvas, Rey looked brilliant. A slip of color in his world. A wild rose amongst the thorns.

 

A wash of shame poured down Rey when she replayed all her recent behavior. This painting had been up for a month. For a whole month, Kylo's desire for the best of her had remained available for anybody to see while expecting the worse in him had been no friend to her. A chasm of embarrassment opened up in Rey.

 

Wrapped up in her neurosis, she'd hurt someone who thought so highly of her when she couldn't offer herself the same kindness, and never had she felt more foolish and self-defeating. Although she didn’t believe she deserved it then, Kylo threaded their fingers tighter together. Keeping her from sobbing with an action small enough not to garner notice from any one of the multiple patrons wandering around the gallery. Giving nobody else a reason to do a double take of the casual appearing couple even when Kylo gazed down at Rey with a fierce tenderness.

 

“Rey, I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he began. “For whatever I did-”

 

“No,” Rey urgently cut him off.” Please don’t apologize, it was my fault. I thought that you...it’s all so stupid now, but I thought you were with someone else that night.”

 

Looking stung, Kylo insisted, "I-I wasn't."

 

“I know,” Rey assured him, flinching between breaths. “I just figured that out, but I'm so sorry for not having enough faith in the first place after I saw that stupid condom in your trash-”

 

"Wait, is that seriously why you've been avoiding me?" he interrupted, his lips tightening when she nodded.

 

"Yes, and I'm so sorry for not even giving you the chance to explain." Too ashamed to hold his wounded gaze any longer, Rey looked at her feet while pressing her palm against her mouth. "It honestly makes me want to vomit when I picture you coming back to your room to find me gone, and then having me follow it up with ignoring you in class too..."

 

Looking up, she meekly repeated, "I'm so unbelievably sorry."

 

Stepping back, Kylo's expression journeyed from disbelief to disgust before landing on horror. "Do you seriously think I wave in a train of women into my room every night? Is that how I honestly come off to you?"

 

"No."

 

"Is there some rumor going around about me having my way with every student?"

 

"No!"

 

"Then how could you think I'd do that to you?" Kylo demanded, biting down on his lip to keep from saying anything more. He looked away to calm down, and Rey couldn't fault his aggravation since she felt so impossibly immature.

 

“I don’t know,” Rey said, blowing out a self-loathing breath. “I guess it’s easier to believe that I’m unremarkable.”

 

Hearing it out loud, Rey cringed. Fishing for compliments wasn't her intention, and she hated for Kylo to feel pressured to follow up her admission with a forced boost to her morale. It wasn't his job to build her up after she tore herself down. It wasn't her dream situation either to own up to weakness as her arms crossed over her chest, nails digging into her skin in preparation of redirecting the upcoming pain she'd feel when he understandably walked away from her. Letting him go, of course, but finding at least enough dignity in herself to make sure that she wouldn't cry out when it wasn't her place to demand anything more from him.

 

As an uncomfortable silence stretched out between them, Rey found it almost funny how in all the many scenarios where she’d played out conversations with her crush, she'd never expected to torpedo her chances. Up until the night of the party, she'd always anticipated coming off as unexpectedly articulate, strong, and charming if given the opportunity. From what she thought she knew about him, Rey felt like they'd seamlessly click. They shared similar passions, senses of humor, an appreciation for finding symbolism in the seemingly mundane, and a penchant for thoughtful pauses. Everything looked good on paper, but there lies the difference between dreams and reality. Because this ridiculously talented man deserved a gal who didn't blurt out a mouthful of pitiful when he looked down at her, who didn't bolt in the first place when it seemed like her fantasies stumbled, and Rey never felt it more than when he took a pregnant pause before licking his lip.

 

Flaring panic inside of Rey until his expression softened.

 

“You were always somebody who I shouldn’t have stared at in class,” Kylo quietly admitted, exhaling out. ”More importantly, you were also somebody I shouldn’t have missed on days when you didn’t show up, but I did. God, Rey, I did," he confessed, shaking his head at her eyes widening in shock," and I can tell that you have no idea how much infinitely easier it would have been for me if you were _unremarkable_ like you say as opposed to off bounds and untouchable.”

 

Stepping closer, Kylo swallowed hard. “That's why it almost makes me mad that you feel that way when all you’ve ever been to me is someone brilliant without arrogantly showy, someone delicate even when hopelessly clumsy. Someone who's now looking away bashfully like you're still assuming that I consider your shyness a weakness when that couldn't be any further from the truth."

 

Rey's mouth opened to protest before closing in agreement.

 

"To be honest," Kylo continued, his lashes fluttering before staring at her with an intensity that stopped her heart from cringing anymore inside of her chest. "I like making you blush. I like whatever emotion you're willing to share with me. I like _you_ , and now that I know what it sounds like to hear your breath catch when kissing me- now that I’m no longer your TA- I’d very much appreciate hearing that sweet, perfect noise again and again if you’ll have me... If you still want me.”

 

It was that unexpected touch of uncertainty in his voice. From what he'd shared about his relationship with his parents, Rey could tell by that tiny tremble that he almost expected people to reject him. A hiccup in the road could mean a kiss of death, and the thought of him questioning for even one second that the affection might not be entirely mutual forced Rey’s chin up to bravely show off the glossy sheen in her eyes. Not about to let him doubt how crazy about him she was, she tilted his world with an encouraging smile.

 

Smiling back at her, he kissed her. Desperate to learn everything about her, starting with memorizing the soft warmth of her mouth. Moving effortlessly, proving touch to touch that when they fit so well together, they had no choice but to work out.

 

Like any great work of art, they started off rough and sketchy.

 

But that’s not how they’d end.

 

________________________

 

She loves him.

 

The familiar ink smudges against his jaw, each imperfectly placed mark streaking his strong features that shouldn’t fit so well together on his face but somehow do.

 

Nine months later, she truly loves him.

 

Adoring the paint smears that he’ll occasionally leave on her cheek when he captures her jaw for another kiss between a laugh. Adoring more the reality of a man who every day surpasses all her best fantasies.

 

At times, the only things carrying Rey though the creativity collapsing job of illustrating at an ad agency are the breakroom poppy seed muffins and Kylo’s texts throughout the day. The inside jokes and salacious sentiments that make her close her eyes with a little whine. All the reassuring proof that her gorgeous man is just as into her as she is him, but Rey's already confident in that fact. Yes, while it might have taken her a while, she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that what they have is rare and ridiculously mutual. No denying that their bond is only blooming more each time that they work side by side together on their personal passion projects at home. Sharing work at its most vulnerable, delighting in their mutual ease with the quiet.

 

However, those flimsy things called facts won't stop Rey from pinching her thigh the next time Kylo rasps her name against her throat. Taking hold of skin for a sharp confirmation that she's not dreaming again as her boyfriend slowly kisses his way down her body. Stopping here and there to hear her moan. Sweetly scraping his teeth against her hipbone, always so gorgeously good when he's bad. Whispering against her thighs that she looks good in his paint, and Rey's blush deepens since she knows that he's not talking about any color available in stores.

 

Yes, she loves him.

 

After nine months together, all those angsty days when the pining felt hopelessly one-sided seem laughable now that he’s tugging flesh between moans. Touching taste buds to sticky sweet as his fist works between his legs. Pleasing them both into breathy blissful while so blissfully unaware that in the morning he’ll receive a call with an offer to curate a collection at a small art gallery across the country. It’ll be a job too rare to pass up. It's his ideal position with actual pay, and Kylo wouldn’t dream of asking any other girl to make the move for him so soon, but he can’t help but ask if she might consider it.

 

Worrying that she’ll say no the whole time that he’s asking to love her in the middle of nowhere Marfa, Texas.

 

Slightly panicking by the possibility of waking up without her for so many miserable mornings in a row, but not pressuring. Only repeating with absolute honesty that he’s willing to live off of her quirky texts alone if she can’t leave, clarifying that it isn't a breakup when Rey’s eyes water. All the while painfully certain that his girlfriend hates her job, but not expecting her to risk it either just to be near him until she throws her arms around him in immediate agreement. Laughing between congratulatory kisses while telling him that of course, she'll go.

 

After all, where else could she possibly be when he's her dusky pink and she his blushing rose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This all started out as a little Tumblr drabble about a shy girl who saw her TA as an untouchable work of art. I never thought it would become a mini fic, but the encouraging response to this version of Rey and Kylo pushed me to write more for them. It truly was a pleasure to live in their world for a bit, and I hope you felt the same way.
> 
> <3 Bunny 
> 
> PS: The last bit actually mirrors the first chapter and I'm crossing my fingers that you appreciate the ending as much as the beginning.


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